we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
