I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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