I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
