he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
