this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
