Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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