Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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