Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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