i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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