Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
