it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
