the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
