when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
