either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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