Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
