So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
