My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
