She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
