so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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