You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
