final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
