Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
