are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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