I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
