we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize