your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize