I think I won the penis lottery.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
