Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
