Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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