dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
