those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
