I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
