I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
