At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
