My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
