it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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