Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
