woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
