the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
