Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
