i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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