You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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