She is in my trunk
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
