I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
