Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
