So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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