My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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