what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize