sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
