he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
