R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
