Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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