proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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