I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
