the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
