I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
