I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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