Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The power of my boobs compel you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
