i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
