I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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