well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
