i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize