On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
