I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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