so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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