i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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