Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
