Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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