So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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